21 September 2011

A Sacred Daily Act

I am always hungry now.

Two and a half years ago, I got my insulin pump and has been wonderful. But before I got my insulin pump, I rarely ever felt hungry. I just decided to eat at roughly the beginning, the middle and the end of the day. Now that I'm running normal blood sugars again I have started to feel hungry. But lately, it seems like I'm always hungry.

My stomach aches but I do not appease it. It isn't time, I tell my body. Don't you know anything? We have a schedule: 12:30-1:30 is our lunch break, it has been for the past year and a half, and that's when we eat.

And then around 3:00, I get all hollow again and I'm like Dude, gotta wait. Dinner is at home and home comes at 5:30.

So I push off eating until it is time. Well, those of you who know about eating disorders know what happens next...I gorge at that time. I eat past my fill and I don't often care what it is I'm eating.

Writing is like that too. I push it off until it's convenient and then when it's time I write too much and it all just kinda sits there in loose bundles of thought like one sorts laundry. This is all the ideas I have on my father (dry clean only), this is everything I'm working on regarding me and April (delicates), and this is the coma (whites). There is also a fiction and verse pile, and of course, these are the colors.

...I think I'd like to go wash my clothing in the Ganges one day.

But I think I need to learn how to eat and write in smaller pieces. Snack all day, not really have three big meals. You know, haiku it up a bit over three or four sittings versus a spewing of prose over an hour. Maybe do my laundry in pieces too. Instead of putting off the chore, make it a sacred, daily act.

1 comment:

  1. Message me on FB if you want to know more about breaking up your meals. Being an athlete of sorts, I have done much research on the matter. I eat 5 smaller meals over the course of the day and I have not had hunger pains for the last 3 years. If am being presumptuous, then just ignore me :)