13 September 2011

Origins, Part 3, or; The Greatest Thing You Will Ever Learn...

My wife and I had an argument last night.

Which is to say, I was trying to say something that is very difficult to say and she took it personal and got defensive and then I got defensive.

Which is to say, we don't know how to accomplish an equitable resolution when we have a conflict.

Which is mind blowing because in my day job, I teach people how to build healthy relationships with the individuals they are working with. Part of that is conflict resolution. Part of that is conflict resolution with a person who has experienced a significant trauma.

Oh yes, my wife experienced a significant trauma as a child.

Studies show that when a child experiences a significant trauma it leads to neurological misdevelopment, which leads to social, emotional ,and cognitive skill development gaps, which leads to the inability to cope with difficult things which shouldn't be difficult, which leads to developing coping mechanisms that may not be healthy--i.e. alcoholism, drug abuse, self harm, suicide, harm to others, etc.

So for some reason, I am unable to practice what I preach and I feel pretty much like a failure every time we have an argument.

So I try to avoid having arguments.

Which in turn makes it excruciatingly painful when a conflict does arise.

The thing is: conflict is an essential part of life, it is the driving force in many things, including a person's development.

So how do I turn things around?

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love and be loved in return."

That last bit is so much more important... and it should be so easy.

Why isn't it easy?

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